The Benefits of Doubt

This week I'm thinking a lot about how doubt and faith can sit, somewhat shakily, together.

This week, the Sunday after Easter, is known in many churches as "Thomas Sunday".  In the Byzantine Catholic church that I grew up in, we read this gospel every Sunday after Easter.  You're probably somewhat familiar with it:

But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came.  So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord."  But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."  A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them.  Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you."  Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands.  Reach out your hand and put it in my side.  Do not doubt but believe."  Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!"  Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me?  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe." (John 20:24-28, NRSV).

"The Incredulity of Saint Thomas" by Caravaggio

Doubt and faith seem to be very difficult to reconcile for many people.  Lately I've been reading about how the Enlightenment and the process of Biblical textual criticism came to threaten a lot of people's faith in the 18th and 19th centuries.  When people discover that events described in the Bible maybe didn't literally happen the way the writers said they did, it can cause two common reactions: either people start to doubt everything and then worry that none of it is true, or they stubbornly cling to a literal belief and claim that anyone who doesn't adhere to that is wrong.  

I think I was meant to be an Episcopalian, because I love the middle ground.  The grey area, the balance between extremes... at worst I might be a "fence-sitter" or "wishy-washy", but at best I like to think that I am a true Libra: a person who can see all sides of issues and find their positives and negatives.  I've got to have that balance.  When I picture Faith and Doubt sitting together, I picture them like two kids sitting on a teeter-totter, trying to keep still without sending one flying up in the air.

In the gospel story, Jesus embodies the balance.  He blesses those who have believed without seeing, but he's not denying Thomas the proof he seeks either.  Interestingly, when I did a little research on how this scene is depicted in art, paintings like the Caravaggio shown above are thought to be from a "Catholic" perspective, since Thomas is shown actually touching Jesus' wounds.  Paintings done by Protestants, in contrast, do not show this, because they wanted to emphasize that "faith alone" was to be preferred, and Thomas is instead shown fallen to his knees without (we assume) examining Jesus physically.  This was apparently a big bone of contention with theologians.  Catholics defended the physical examination because, supposedly, it gave more credence to the practice of pilgrimage and venerating relics.  

When it comes to these arguments, I'm like the little girl in the taco shell commercial: "Why not both?"  Why can't we commend faith and at the same time acknowledge our very human desire for physical proof?  It reminds me of the argument raging today between fundamentalist Christians and atheistic scientists.  Why can't there be a middle ground?  Why can't we accept that the truths contained in scripture are bigger than measurable facts, just as God is bigger than any words or depictions we might use to describe God?  And conversely, why do so many think that just because science is provable, that things that are not provable cannot exist?  Are we really so arrogant that we think we are the pinnacle of all that humankind has ever been, and we have it all figured out?

Here's the thing: faith and doubt actually make a great team.  Don't believe me? Watch The X Files.  Mulder and Scully are the perfect personifications of this relationship.  If you believe everything without question, you'll probably fall down a rabbit hole of paranoia and start wearing a tinfoil hat.  If you are a complete skeptic and require proof and logical explanations for everything, not only will you miss out on the mystery of life, but you'll have a hard time with those aspects of our existence that simply defy explanation.  The balance between the two allows us to open our horizons but remain anchored to solid ground.

(from "Episcopal Church Memes" on Facebook)

"Doubting Thomas" is an expression that has become part of the vernacular.  Many people, regardless of whether they ever step foot in a church, use the expression regularly and remember this man only because of his skepticism.  What people tend to forget is that Thomas went on to be a great missionary; tradition has it that he went to India and created the first Christian churches there.  Many of those churches who trace their beginnings from the apostle himself still exist today.  They existed long before European colonial missionaries came to the area.  

I think Thomas' story, the one that extends beyond the famous gospel, shows that faith is about more than unquestioningly accepting something.  Sometimes you need that questioning to grow stronger in your faith.  Maybe Thomas never would have been able to spread the word to India in such a long-lasting way if he had not had this experience.  Our periods of darkness and doubt help us to grow and mature.  

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.

 ~Ambrose Bierce