Following the Shepherd
This is a post that brings news of a huge shift about to happen in my life: Today I signed my acceptance letter and sent it in to the enrollment manager, making official a decision that I have been discerning for the past few months. I am now officially a student enrolled in the Master of Divinity program at the Seminary of the Southwest in Austin, TX, beginning in Fall 2020. Barring any curveballs that Corona may throw at us, I'm planning to relocate in just a few short months to attend residential seminary in order to be formed for priesthood in the Episcopal Church.
Trying to decide which seminary to attend during a global pandemic, during which travel has been banned and campus visits impossible, has definitely been a challenge. And yet, in a weird way things fell into place. Being in lockdown, I was able to discern with less distraction. I didn't have as many voices coming at me, trying to sway me one way or another. I was able to be more still and contemplate, even in the hazy brain fog that comes with the anxious state we are all in during this time of stay-at-home orders.
The two seminaries I applied at were quite different, including in the way they have handled COVID-19. I found SSW a place that rose to the challenge; they gave me every opportunity to get a glimpse of what seminary life with them would be like through virtual means, which is not an easy thing to accomplish. I felt throughout the process that I was already being treated like a member of the community, which was important to me. So was the fact that they acknowledged the fact that this is a sensitive time in my journey. I could tell that they cared about me as a person and how I was feeling every step of the way. I could sense the kind of charism they have even without being able to visit physically.
But that's not the only reason I chose SSW. I had many other reasons, but one of the most emotional to me was the symbolism I saw in the virtual tour of their chapel.
"The cross by our chapel is actually intentionally not inside the chapel, it is outside the chapel... and you look through the windows and see the cross outside. We are a community always called to follow the cross, and the cross isn't just "in here". The cross is "out there". The cross calls us outside." ~ Scott Bader-Saye, Academic Dean (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-Yf783kDA8)
That quote struck me as being so very reminiscent of the Good Shepherd window at my home parish, St James. The Christ that is the center of our sanctuary has an odd detail that many would not at first notice: he seems to be blessing us with his left hand. But the reality is, he isn't blessing the inside, he's blessing the outside. The window is a mirror image, the "true image" is the one that's facing outward. I always loved that symbolism because that was what drew me to St James - the fact that this was a church where the congregation went forth and blessed those whom they encountered outside, no matter what their background.
I find it rather ironic that this church which has been no farther than 5 miles away from my home my entire life could be the place that actually got me ready to leave my hometown and start this wonderful adventure. I remember going to the library next door to the church even as a very young child, and looking with awe at this beautiful building that almost seemed castle-like to me. St James was always in the periphery of my life, a visual landmark in Painesville as well as a spiritual one, known for its work feeding the poor. The importance of spiritual and artistic symbolism has been constant in my life, and I think it may be one of the things that brought me back to church during my time of being a "seeker". Art, beauty, and symbolism could touch those places in me that were hard to describe, those deep places that could feel the searing joy that touches the infinite. In the past five years as I have worshiped inside this beautiful sanctuary, I could feel that searing joy looking at the Good Shepherd window and seeing my savior blessing the world, calling us to "go forth rejoicing in the power of the spirit."
Ultimately, I want to be a priest because of this leading outward that I have seen modeled at St James. I do love to learn about scripture and theology, as I've done for the past four years in EfM, but as one of my classmates in that program put it, I'm not so interested in debating "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin." I love learning about those things in order to see what is being said to us today - to understand how God may be calling us to respond to our surroundings now. The words of the prophets in the Hebrew Bible are just as impactful in today's tumult as they were to those who first heard them. The message of love and inclusion in God's Kingdom that Jesus brings is a source of hope today, in this incredibly broken world. The emotional range of the psalms teaches us that we can bring it all before God, our joys, sorrows, and even anger, and still be full of praise. I'm excited to be able to go on now and learn even more.
SSW is a place that seems to be very focused on formation in the entire person, in "being, knowing, and doing." My enrollment manager told me, in fact, that if I come out of seminary three years from now the same person that I am right now, then something has gone really wrong. The idea that I'm stepping into this place where I'm going to be changed into something different (yet at the same time honoring my gifts and God-given traits) is something that may have terrified me a few years ago. It still scares me a little now, but it's more exciting than scary. The Me of 5 Years Ago might have been too afraid of the risks to even consider such a thing. But following Christ has made me a "new creation", as Paul would put it:
So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 NRSV
I'm excited to continue in this process of being formed into a new creation, and in turn to be able to lead and form communities where new creation is happening. This is what we celebrate during this season of resurrection - that no matter how ugly we make the world, God can transform our sins into his glory.
Trying to decide which seminary to attend during a global pandemic, during which travel has been banned and campus visits impossible, has definitely been a challenge. And yet, in a weird way things fell into place. Being in lockdown, I was able to discern with less distraction. I didn't have as many voices coming at me, trying to sway me one way or another. I was able to be more still and contemplate, even in the hazy brain fog that comes with the anxious state we are all in during this time of stay-at-home orders.
The two seminaries I applied at were quite different, including in the way they have handled COVID-19. I found SSW a place that rose to the challenge; they gave me every opportunity to get a glimpse of what seminary life with them would be like through virtual means, which is not an easy thing to accomplish. I felt throughout the process that I was already being treated like a member of the community, which was important to me. So was the fact that they acknowledged the fact that this is a sensitive time in my journey. I could tell that they cared about me as a person and how I was feeling every step of the way. I could sense the kind of charism they have even without being able to visit physically.
But that's not the only reason I chose SSW. I had many other reasons, but one of the most emotional to me was the symbolism I saw in the virtual tour of their chapel.
(Pictured on the left, cross outside the windows of Christ Chapel at Seminary of the Southwest. On the right, the Good Shepherd window at St James, Painesville)
"The cross by our chapel is actually intentionally not inside the chapel, it is outside the chapel... and you look through the windows and see the cross outside. We are a community always called to follow the cross, and the cross isn't just "in here". The cross is "out there". The cross calls us outside." ~ Scott Bader-Saye, Academic Dean (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-Yf783kDA8)
That quote struck me as being so very reminiscent of the Good Shepherd window at my home parish, St James. The Christ that is the center of our sanctuary has an odd detail that many would not at first notice: he seems to be blessing us with his left hand. But the reality is, he isn't blessing the inside, he's blessing the outside. The window is a mirror image, the "true image" is the one that's facing outward. I always loved that symbolism because that was what drew me to St James - the fact that this was a church where the congregation went forth and blessed those whom they encountered outside, no matter what their background.
I find it rather ironic that this church which has been no farther than 5 miles away from my home my entire life could be the place that actually got me ready to leave my hometown and start this wonderful adventure. I remember going to the library next door to the church even as a very young child, and looking with awe at this beautiful building that almost seemed castle-like to me. St James was always in the periphery of my life, a visual landmark in Painesville as well as a spiritual one, known for its work feeding the poor. The importance of spiritual and artistic symbolism has been constant in my life, and I think it may be one of the things that brought me back to church during my time of being a "seeker". Art, beauty, and symbolism could touch those places in me that were hard to describe, those deep places that could feel the searing joy that touches the infinite. In the past five years as I have worshiped inside this beautiful sanctuary, I could feel that searing joy looking at the Good Shepherd window and seeing my savior blessing the world, calling us to "go forth rejoicing in the power of the spirit."
Ultimately, I want to be a priest because of this leading outward that I have seen modeled at St James. I do love to learn about scripture and theology, as I've done for the past four years in EfM, but as one of my classmates in that program put it, I'm not so interested in debating "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin." I love learning about those things in order to see what is being said to us today - to understand how God may be calling us to respond to our surroundings now. The words of the prophets in the Hebrew Bible are just as impactful in today's tumult as they were to those who first heard them. The message of love and inclusion in God's Kingdom that Jesus brings is a source of hope today, in this incredibly broken world. The emotional range of the psalms teaches us that we can bring it all before God, our joys, sorrows, and even anger, and still be full of praise. I'm excited to be able to go on now and learn even more.
SSW is a place that seems to be very focused on formation in the entire person, in "being, knowing, and doing." My enrollment manager told me, in fact, that if I come out of seminary three years from now the same person that I am right now, then something has gone really wrong. The idea that I'm stepping into this place where I'm going to be changed into something different (yet at the same time honoring my gifts and God-given traits) is something that may have terrified me a few years ago. It still scares me a little now, but it's more exciting than scary. The Me of 5 Years Ago might have been too afraid of the risks to even consider such a thing. But following Christ has made me a "new creation", as Paul would put it:
So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 NRSV
I'm excited to continue in this process of being formed into a new creation, and in turn to be able to lead and form communities where new creation is happening. This is what we celebrate during this season of resurrection - that no matter how ugly we make the world, God can transform our sins into his glory.
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